Coffee – It’s not an art form.
I just want a coffee. A nice steaming, hot, comforting mug of black coffee is all I want. Is that too much to ask? We apparently so! Try ordering one next time you are in a café and see what happens. You will spend more time answering questions in relation to how different you would like your coffee from the way in which you have ordered it. It is easier to choose a program from 200 channels of cable television than it is to order a coffee. Does anyone really know what a Grande double shot non-fat extra caffeinated vanilla soy latte is anyway?
We need coffee to wake up in the morning. It is all part of the process, part of the way the earth keeps turning and part of the socially acceptable addiction we enjoy. So the last thing we need is to recite the equivalent of Pythagoras Theorem at 6am to someone who is one of those insanely happy “morning people”. But I am sure if you went into a cafe stated your order as “In a right angled triangle the square of the hypotenuse is equal to the sum of the squares of the other two sides” then the machine and it’s overly excitable operator would spring into life and they would whip up a caffeinated concoction, that even N.A.S.A. scientists would have a difficult time deciphering, then smilingly charge you five bucks for it. There is just too much choice which mean can only mean there is no longer a focus on the standard black coffee thus reducing its quality.
Once you have finally worked out the way your coffee is to be made the next bone of contention is what you will drink it out of. Firstly I think is it an absolute insult to charge you for a coffee then put it into a Styrofoam or cardboard cup. This is a crime against humanity the same way serving beer in plastic cups is. It should be an indictable offence with a minimum penalty of being savaged by wild dogs. You wouldn’t buy a crystal vase and package it in barbed wire so why make a quality coffee and treat it with such contempt. Now when I am having my coffee inside an establishment I want a mug with a handle. A big mug with a big handle. I don’t want my coffee in a glass that ends up hot enough to fuse my fingers to the side of it. I don’t want a cup that is about as deep as a saucer with a handle so small you can’t even put your smallest finger through it. Remember we are attempting to drink these while still half asleep so the required dexterity isn’t always quite with us.
While we are at it don’t get fooled into these so-called large coffees they sell these days. They charge you an extra buck or two and all they do is add more water. It is a “larger” coffee not a “stronger” one. So in effect you have just paid extra for a weaker coffee. Include robbed while asleep to the list of charges.
So let’s keep it simple when it comes to our coffee. Coffee doesn’t need to be confusing. Confusion is the very thing we create from consuming too much coffee.
So how do we solve all this hassle without becoming one of the boring, socially inept and often deluded tea consumers that try to convince you tea is good for you? Simply buy some good quality coffee, a big mug, a $60 percolator and make your own at home. Don’t be fooled into believing that making coffee is an art form.
Wake up and smell the coffee people! Or as in most cases, drink the coffee and wake up while smelling that sweet and powerful Arabica bean scent of victory!
I just want a coffee. A nice steaming, hot, comforting mug of black coffee is all I want. Is that too much to ask? We apparently so! Try ordering one next time you are in a café and see what happens. You will spend more time answering questions in relation to how different you would like your coffee from the way in which you have ordered it. It is easier to choose a program from 200 channels of cable television than it is to order a coffee. Does anyone really know what a Grande double shot non-fat extra caffeinated vanilla soy latte is anyway?
We need coffee to wake up in the morning. It is all part of the process, part of the way the earth keeps turning and part of the socially acceptable addiction we enjoy. So the last thing we need is to recite the equivalent of Pythagoras Theorem at 6am to someone who is one of those insanely happy “morning people”. But I am sure if you went into a cafe stated your order as “In a right angled triangle the square of the hypotenuse is equal to the sum of the squares of the other two sides” then the machine and it’s overly excitable operator would spring into life and they would whip up a caffeinated concoction, that even N.A.S.A. scientists would have a difficult time deciphering, then smilingly charge you five bucks for it. There is just too much choice which mean can only mean there is no longer a focus on the standard black coffee thus reducing its quality.
Once you have finally worked out the way your coffee is to be made the next bone of contention is what you will drink it out of. Firstly I think is it an absolute insult to charge you for a coffee then put it into a Styrofoam or cardboard cup. This is a crime against humanity the same way serving beer in plastic cups is. It should be an indictable offence with a minimum penalty of being savaged by wild dogs. You wouldn’t buy a crystal vase and package it in barbed wire so why make a quality coffee and treat it with such contempt. Now when I am having my coffee inside an establishment I want a mug with a handle. A big mug with a big handle. I don’t want my coffee in a glass that ends up hot enough to fuse my fingers to the side of it. I don’t want a cup that is about as deep as a saucer with a handle so small you can’t even put your smallest finger through it. Remember we are attempting to drink these while still half asleep so the required dexterity isn’t always quite with us.
While we are at it don’t get fooled into these so-called large coffees they sell these days. They charge you an extra buck or two and all they do is add more water. It is a “larger” coffee not a “stronger” one. So in effect you have just paid extra for a weaker coffee. Include robbed while asleep to the list of charges.
So let’s keep it simple when it comes to our coffee. Coffee doesn’t need to be confusing. Confusion is the very thing we create from consuming too much coffee.
So how do we solve all this hassle without becoming one of the boring, socially inept and often deluded tea consumers that try to convince you tea is good for you? Simply buy some good quality coffee, a big mug, a $60 percolator and make your own at home. Don’t be fooled into believing that making coffee is an art form.
Wake up and smell the coffee people! Or as in most cases, drink the coffee and wake up while smelling that sweet and powerful Arabica bean scent of victory!
2 comments:
At last! Somebody who knows what they are talking about in regards to coffee. If you are ever in South Gippsland Mick, come and sort out a few of the shops in this town (Foster), when it comes to making coffee, they haven't got a clue.
I agree about the type of coffee, but I am thinking you should carry a mug with you, though I forgot you don't have a handbag :P
I want filter coffee, not black coffee, not a milk coffee..I don't even know how to order that. I don't think a long black is the same thing as a cup of filter coffee, and why oh why is this so hard to order?
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