S.W.M. – Seeks Peace and Quiet.
When you come out of a relationship you usually turn to your friends for emotional and moral support. Whether it be someone to just sit and listen to you complain about the last so many days, months or years of your life or someone to hit the town with, get completely smashed and act in a manner that definitely would not attract a new partner. For the females someone to hold the hair out of your face, while you expel the contents of your stomach after a night of nachos and Tequila. During these tough and uncertain times we all seem to think we can determine who our real friends are. Those who will stick by you through thick and thin, will drag you out of the pits of despair, stop you from getting arrested and take a bullet for you. But you soon find out that all you want is for most of your friends to take a bullet and leave you in peace.
All your friends have utterly ridiculous ideas that they shove down your throat under the banner of “good intentions”. They all have a best friend, a relative, a friend at work or the neighbours mother’s sister in law’s step daughter’s cousin who they think would be a perfect match for you and that you should commence planning a wedding right away. What gives people the idea that the very first thing you want to do after ending a relationship is to immediately start another with someone who sounds too good to be true. Ever noticed that the most suitable people on the planet have never met the right person? That speaks volumes in itself. If they really are that good then why are they still single and why hasn’t your friend started dating them? I will tell you why. It is a sympathy set up. Find two people down on their luck and stick them together in an attempt to make two wrongs equal a right. What is wrong with being single for a while? Enjoy the freedom of being yourself. Doing what you want, when you want, how you want, with who you want. I will tell you what is wrong with it. Your friends hate it. It makes them cringe and lose sleep. This is why they will try and deprive you of it. They are jealous that you can do all the things they can’t. The can’t stay out all night then sleep in until noon, go two days without bathing and have banana and baked bean toasted sandwiches on the living room floor while watching re-runs of COPS on television. I will give you this tip for free; whoever can bottle “no responsibility” will make themselves a fortune.
When I came out of a long-term relationship last year I thought I would try and beat my friends to the punch and made a general address to the Nation. I said
“I want to be single for the next year. I am not on the market. I am not available. I do not wish to know about any perfect matches, be set up or to go on blind dates. I do not want to be sent links to internet dating sites nor have friends make a profile on one for me in my best interest. I want to go surfing. I want go out and have a good time with friends. I want to sit around in my boxer shorts, drinking beer and watching Clint Eastwood Westerns”
I thought this was pretty clear but it seems to have been interpreted as “I am desperate and single please tell all your friends and do your best to introduce me to them in the most difficult and uncomfortable circumstances.”
Often when you are conned into a blind date or you are invited along to make up the numbers the only thing you have in common with your new future partner is the fact you both think that your friends are ignorant imbeciles for believing this obvious set up would work in the first place. You get told the day after about how they saw you laughing and enjoying yourself with their friend they set you up with. It slays them when you tell them you were both laughing at the short comings and inadequacies of the very people who thought you would be a match.
Your friends always know what’s best for you. The only comfort you have is knowing that when they end up single you will be as painful as they have been. This will all be under the good intentions banner of “returning the favour”.
There is no escape from this behaviour. Your viewpoint and actions all depend on your current relationship status. You think you will be different when your time arrives to help, but you won’t. It is all part of our desire to help and the idea that we know exactly what other people want and that we know best.
There has to be something in all of this though. We seem to have longer lasting friendships than relationships no matter how much our friends push our sanity.
With friends like these who needs enemas?
When you come out of a relationship you usually turn to your friends for emotional and moral support. Whether it be someone to just sit and listen to you complain about the last so many days, months or years of your life or someone to hit the town with, get completely smashed and act in a manner that definitely would not attract a new partner. For the females someone to hold the hair out of your face, while you expel the contents of your stomach after a night of nachos and Tequila. During these tough and uncertain times we all seem to think we can determine who our real friends are. Those who will stick by you through thick and thin, will drag you out of the pits of despair, stop you from getting arrested and take a bullet for you. But you soon find out that all you want is for most of your friends to take a bullet and leave you in peace.
All your friends have utterly ridiculous ideas that they shove down your throat under the banner of “good intentions”. They all have a best friend, a relative, a friend at work or the neighbours mother’s sister in law’s step daughter’s cousin who they think would be a perfect match for you and that you should commence planning a wedding right away. What gives people the idea that the very first thing you want to do after ending a relationship is to immediately start another with someone who sounds too good to be true. Ever noticed that the most suitable people on the planet have never met the right person? That speaks volumes in itself. If they really are that good then why are they still single and why hasn’t your friend started dating them? I will tell you why. It is a sympathy set up. Find two people down on their luck and stick them together in an attempt to make two wrongs equal a right. What is wrong with being single for a while? Enjoy the freedom of being yourself. Doing what you want, when you want, how you want, with who you want. I will tell you what is wrong with it. Your friends hate it. It makes them cringe and lose sleep. This is why they will try and deprive you of it. They are jealous that you can do all the things they can’t. The can’t stay out all night then sleep in until noon, go two days without bathing and have banana and baked bean toasted sandwiches on the living room floor while watching re-runs of COPS on television. I will give you this tip for free; whoever can bottle “no responsibility” will make themselves a fortune.
When I came out of a long-term relationship last year I thought I would try and beat my friends to the punch and made a general address to the Nation. I said
“I want to be single for the next year. I am not on the market. I am not available. I do not wish to know about any perfect matches, be set up or to go on blind dates. I do not want to be sent links to internet dating sites nor have friends make a profile on one for me in my best interest. I want to go surfing. I want go out and have a good time with friends. I want to sit around in my boxer shorts, drinking beer and watching Clint Eastwood Westerns”
I thought this was pretty clear but it seems to have been interpreted as “I am desperate and single please tell all your friends and do your best to introduce me to them in the most difficult and uncomfortable circumstances.”
Often when you are conned into a blind date or you are invited along to make up the numbers the only thing you have in common with your new future partner is the fact you both think that your friends are ignorant imbeciles for believing this obvious set up would work in the first place. You get told the day after about how they saw you laughing and enjoying yourself with their friend they set you up with. It slays them when you tell them you were both laughing at the short comings and inadequacies of the very people who thought you would be a match.
Your friends always know what’s best for you. The only comfort you have is knowing that when they end up single you will be as painful as they have been. This will all be under the good intentions banner of “returning the favour”.
There is no escape from this behaviour. Your viewpoint and actions all depend on your current relationship status. You think you will be different when your time arrives to help, but you won’t. It is all part of our desire to help and the idea that we know exactly what other people want and that we know best.
There has to be something in all of this though. We seem to have longer lasting friendships than relationships no matter how much our friends push our sanity.
With friends like these who needs enemas?
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