Experiments 101
Science was never a strong point of mine at High School. In fact it hasn’t been a strong point since. Oh yeah and to all the other Pugilists around the world. Boxing is not a science. It is two people punching the living crap out of each other in an attempt for the other to join the ranks of the brain damaged community before themselves.
Anyway back to the academic version of Science. I knew something was dodgy about the subject when my first teacher used to hand out these weird little exams. They had titles such as “Science Is Fun” and “Anyone Can Do Science”. Now if a bunch of 12 – 13 years olds need to be told something is fun in writing you automatically know it will be as much fun and using your own body as a Voodoo Doll with Grandma’s knitting needles. Also stating “Anyone Can Do Science” isn’t encouragement. It is code for “We Know You Are Scientifically Inept So Here Is A Simple Version”
I tried to apply myself. Well in class anyway. If I wasn’t doing homework for the subjects I like then Science homework had about as much chance of getting done as Mike Tyson does of winning Feminist of the Year.
The Table of Elements seemed pointless to me. Why learn it? The only reason seemed to be so you could pass an exam. I have never needed to use it since those classes and the end of year exam.
In Year 9 we had an experiment to set up. Now this kind of thing I could get into. Dangerous chemicals, fire, test tubes and bubbling beakers. Not reading about sexual reproduction in Frogs.
The basic idea was to time how long it took to boil water, create a pressure vacuum and pop a cork. Ok, no dangerous chemicals but lots of fire and glass beakers and pipes.
We were to write down our observations every five minutes. After 20 minutes most other people’s experiments had achieved the objective of popping the cork. After 25 minutes the only set up that hadn’t done what was intended belonged to my partner and I . The teacher was telling us the most likely reason was we hadn’t been paying attention and we hadn’t completed the assembly correctly. We were 100% positive we had followed the procedure correctly. I stated “I remember following all the steps then jamming the rubber cork into the tube” Then it dawned on us what was wrong. Out thoughts and blank looks were interrupted by the sound of shattering glass and boiling water being sprayed over the work bench.
“That was awesome” my lab partner said.
“Do we write ‘Experiment Exploded’ in the Observation Section” I inquired to the teacher.
Ok I admit it was my mistake that the rubber cork was fit to tightly into the end of the glass tube but hey what does “Place Firmly” mean anyway?We scored a safety lecture from the teacher and a few detentions. After that we could join the rest of the class again. Who cares about the academic findings? We had the most talked about experiment in the class and provided a hell of a lot of laughs in the process!
The next year we got to dissect animal organs. First a sheep’s heart, then cow’s eyes. Dissecting a rat was next on the syllabus. We had to slice it open down the middle and record specific data. Data like the weight of the internal organs, their measurements, the rat’s height and tail length. After nearly all the bits were out my lab partner and I were amazed at how long the large intestine was. We stretched it out and measured it. It was longer than I was tall.
Then we got wind that the teacher’s favourite students were getting bonus marks for collecting extra data. Things like eye colour, number of teeth etc.
We opted for a test no one else was doing. How Many Skips In A Row Can A Skinny Kid Do Using A Rat’s Large Intestine As A Rope? I was on my way to 20 when the teacher led me out of the class by the collar of my shirt. He was shaking his head and muttering, I heard the words “Disgraceful and disgusting” come from his mouth. As I was left in the corridor I thought “Shit, if you don’t want disgusting then don’t slice open rats and pull their guts out in the first place”
My other short-lived experiment involved using a large battery similar to one you use in cars. This was connected with long cables that had clips on the end. The concept was to attach to clips to objects to see which conduct electricity. I may have failed the experiment and been sent to the Principal’s Office but my results show my lab partner can conduct electricity after I hooked the battery up to his earrings.
Maybe Science is fun after all?
Science was never a strong point of mine at High School. In fact it hasn’t been a strong point since. Oh yeah and to all the other Pugilists around the world. Boxing is not a science. It is two people punching the living crap out of each other in an attempt for the other to join the ranks of the brain damaged community before themselves.
Anyway back to the academic version of Science. I knew something was dodgy about the subject when my first teacher used to hand out these weird little exams. They had titles such as “Science Is Fun” and “Anyone Can Do Science”. Now if a bunch of 12 – 13 years olds need to be told something is fun in writing you automatically know it will be as much fun and using your own body as a Voodoo Doll with Grandma’s knitting needles. Also stating “Anyone Can Do Science” isn’t encouragement. It is code for “We Know You Are Scientifically Inept So Here Is A Simple Version”
I tried to apply myself. Well in class anyway. If I wasn’t doing homework for the subjects I like then Science homework had about as much chance of getting done as Mike Tyson does of winning Feminist of the Year.
The Table of Elements seemed pointless to me. Why learn it? The only reason seemed to be so you could pass an exam. I have never needed to use it since those classes and the end of year exam.
In Year 9 we had an experiment to set up. Now this kind of thing I could get into. Dangerous chemicals, fire, test tubes and bubbling beakers. Not reading about sexual reproduction in Frogs.
The basic idea was to time how long it took to boil water, create a pressure vacuum and pop a cork. Ok, no dangerous chemicals but lots of fire and glass beakers and pipes.
We were to write down our observations every five minutes. After 20 minutes most other people’s experiments had achieved the objective of popping the cork. After 25 minutes the only set up that hadn’t done what was intended belonged to my partner and I . The teacher was telling us the most likely reason was we hadn’t been paying attention and we hadn’t completed the assembly correctly. We were 100% positive we had followed the procedure correctly. I stated “I remember following all the steps then jamming the rubber cork into the tube” Then it dawned on us what was wrong. Out thoughts and blank looks were interrupted by the sound of shattering glass and boiling water being sprayed over the work bench.
“That was awesome” my lab partner said.
“Do we write ‘Experiment Exploded’ in the Observation Section” I inquired to the teacher.
Ok I admit it was my mistake that the rubber cork was fit to tightly into the end of the glass tube but hey what does “Place Firmly” mean anyway?We scored a safety lecture from the teacher and a few detentions. After that we could join the rest of the class again. Who cares about the academic findings? We had the most talked about experiment in the class and provided a hell of a lot of laughs in the process!
The next year we got to dissect animal organs. First a sheep’s heart, then cow’s eyes. Dissecting a rat was next on the syllabus. We had to slice it open down the middle and record specific data. Data like the weight of the internal organs, their measurements, the rat’s height and tail length. After nearly all the bits were out my lab partner and I were amazed at how long the large intestine was. We stretched it out and measured it. It was longer than I was tall.
Then we got wind that the teacher’s favourite students were getting bonus marks for collecting extra data. Things like eye colour, number of teeth etc.
We opted for a test no one else was doing. How Many Skips In A Row Can A Skinny Kid Do Using A Rat’s Large Intestine As A Rope? I was on my way to 20 when the teacher led me out of the class by the collar of my shirt. He was shaking his head and muttering, I heard the words “Disgraceful and disgusting” come from his mouth. As I was left in the corridor I thought “Shit, if you don’t want disgusting then don’t slice open rats and pull their guts out in the first place”
My other short-lived experiment involved using a large battery similar to one you use in cars. This was connected with long cables that had clips on the end. The concept was to attach to clips to objects to see which conduct electricity. I may have failed the experiment and been sent to the Principal’s Office but my results show my lab partner can conduct electricity after I hooked the battery up to his earrings.
Maybe Science is fun after all?
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