Mixed Drinks

Mixed Drinks
It was a Saturday night in Melbourne. Myself and a partner in crime (Lets call him N), decided to head into St Kilda for a serious snack attack after he finished work. At this stage he was an assistant manager of a pub. I would turn up about an hour before the end of his shift and get beers at mates rates (free).
So after about and hour and a half of free beer we headed to out culinary destination. Toppolinos Pizza was where our stomachs were drawn. Toppo’s was more than a Pizza shop. It is an institution. We stagger in and get a seat near the window so we can watch the passing parade of Yuppies, Clubbers, Junkies, Drunks, Bums and Prostitutes.
Our order was ‘ the largest pizza you’ve got with the lot and a bucket of red wine ‘. We proceeded to gorge our way through a pizza the size of a car tyre while watching a Junkie on the nod try and light a cigarette. She couldn’t quite coordinate the lighting of the flame and the inhaling. Oh well she has got bigger issues to deal with but is just to smashed to realise it.
The only way to get the big fuck off pizza down was to lubricate our throats with copious amounts of House Red Wine. You could run a car on this shit but it is cheap and effective.
By the end of the pizza we were well pissed. Practically rolling out onto the street we hooked a cab and headed home. Drunk and bloated I fell into bed.
About 1am I wake up drier than a dead dingo’s donger in the desert during a drought.
Confused and feeling like a car wreck I headed to the fridge. The half a litre of orange juice didn’t even touch the side as I chugged it down. Back to bed I go. Back to sleep. 2 am I am awake again, dry again. I head to the fridge once again. No juice left. In urgent need of liquid that is not alcoholic I drink half a carton of Milk. Back to bed and sleep again.
3am I awake. My guts are going to explode. The Milk and Juice has curdled. Also the special blend of Pizza, House Red and Beer want out.
I charge out the back door. Up it comes. I yell in pain. Howling at the moon. A piece of pineapple from the pizza goes up the back way and lodges in my nostril. I push down on the other nostril and blow. Like a bullet it hits the ground with a thud. The howling dies down. The flow of matter from my body slows. I catch my breath. Aggghhh another eventful night. The joys of sobering up.